she woke up with a sticky ear
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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