Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sarcasm needs its own font
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
