He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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