it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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