made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
