someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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