I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
