Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize