he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
