Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
