Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
