I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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