Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
