this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
