So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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