You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
