We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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