I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
