I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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