Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
