Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
