"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
