I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
