I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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