it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
