bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
