how can u be prego again
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
