Dude my mom stole all your condoms
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
