She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize