We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
