capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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