We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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