In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize