I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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