At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
