I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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