"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
