i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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