hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
