I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
