this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
