There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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