12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
