fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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