Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize