I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
