If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
