yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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