Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
