Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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