Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
