i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
