sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize