I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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