sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
