That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize