Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
