why didn't you poke me back
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
