pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
