At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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