I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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