I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
