It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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