She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
