She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
