Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She even gives head with a lisp.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize