so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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