Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
